Reminisce over you

The last couple of weeks have been hard.

I lost one of my cousins earlier this month. The title cousin can seem light but our relationship was anything but that.

Yes, we fell out of close contact throughout the years but the foundation of love and support never failed.

My cousin recognized and learned to live in his purpose at a very young age. He was a music fanatic, expert promoter, charismatic, relentless goal getter, deeply reflective, a visionary, the life of the party, provocative, a saint, connected, child of God and did everything with his entire heart. He would always check in with words of encouragement and thoughtful messages—even when months and in some cases years would pass without seeing each other.

There’s a ton I could write about fun times growing up but what I am the most thankful for is the last time I saw him. Ironically it was after a funeral of our oldest cousin. I gave him a huge and joyful hug outside of the church. It felt great despite the circumstances. Later in the night , my whole cousin group (and a few cool aunties ;)) got together. During that time we laughed, we ate, we toasted to the other life lost, and we caught up in the few hours we had together.

He lit my soul up.

His unsolicited words of love and encouragement were so pure and spoke directly to my heart. It was so natural and I realized that everything I thought I was missing, I had. It was a reconnection to who I used to be. He knew me. He saw me. He forgave me. He loved me. He encouraged me.

After getting back to CA, I felt revitalized.

I don’t know how to process the fact that he is no longer physically here. He was 42. I’ve been thinking a lot about the circle of life, and how quickly things can change. I remember Oprah once saying that she thinks death is for the living.

Perhaps it is. He had a short time to live out his purpose. While I wish it was 50 years longer, he nailed it.

I love you always and forever big cuz. Until we see each other in paradise again. XOXO