the Purge

For weeks I’ve been ignoring cleaning out the bottom drawer of my bathroom vanity. It’s been filled with mani/pedi supplies, menstrual cups, tampons and pads.

I previously looked at throwing these things away like the victory of throwing away diapers when I finished potty training my kids. Yes! You’ve arrived! No more monthly period. No more worrying about whether or not I would be on my cycle during vacation or before taking the kids to the pool. No more panic moments when my cycle started before I expected it to. No more PMS!

Hmpf!

Well, here I am and every time I open that drawer, I just feel sad and actually wish I could go back to the routine that I’ve been so familiar with for the last 29 years. I put off throwing everything away because I knew when I finally did it, I would be accepting that phase of my life had come to an end. I wasn’t ready for that. So I waited. Until yesterday.

Instead of the complete emotional breakdown I was expecting, last night was just a quiet matter-of-fact purge. The garbage was picked up this morning and I’m going about my day.

I think I’ve mourned the change in a few different ways already. It may hit me unexpectedly when I pick out an old purse and have to throw away my forgotten emergency stash. But for today, I feel okay.