work work work work work work

Ugh! It’s been a doozy. I fully appreciate the shift towards offering time off for menopause (and in some cases, temporary leave). But until I see a company offer 3-10 years off, I’m not sure it’s been designed or thought through by someone who’s gone through the menopause transition.

So far my 9 to 5 has been full of unexpected challenges. My emotional responses and reactions to things that normally would not have elicited a response (or maybe just an eye roll) have CHANGED.

One day I found myself so frustrated during a working/brainstorming session with teammates. There was a slide that I put together that just was not landing as well as it had in a previous meeting. Instead of scrapping it, I was strangely determined to explain the rationale for maintaining a specific narrative. My attempt at convincing switched to frustration towards being in the third meeting of the day that covered the same subject. My teammates were unphased by my frustration but I had to take a minute to regroup. It almost felt like an out of body experience because I was very aware of how my demeanor shifted and that my exasperation was on display. I am typically able to pivot away from frustration pretty quickly but that day I wanted to make it clear that I was not aligned with the new direction we were headed down.

After my two minute internal regathering, I was able to acknowledge that my approach may not have been the best and we moved on, but it was like my emotions were temporarily on a runaway train. It took more effort than it had in the past to get them in check. It did not feel great.

Conversely, I’ve found myself more willing to talk through processes that are not working well or seeking clarity and accountability for vague feedback that does not always align with reality. This may be par for the course for most. It also comes along with maturity, but I’ve always been a people pleaser and a person who tends to accept carved out paths as presented, so the recent confidence reboot is a big shift in a better direction.

I’m also recognizing that the perimenopausal transition can be completely transparent to everyone around me (well, outside of when I start to get little beads of sweat on my forehead during a hot flash or when I literally can’t recall the word I’m looking for during a meeting). When I’m physically in the office, I’ve found myself drifting off in thought wondering who else could be going through the perimenopausal journey.

Is it the woman who’s comfortably wearing a sleeveless top in the 62-degree air conditioned meeting room? Or maybe the one whose hair is just a little wet at the base of her neck? Or maybe the one who has zero problems getting right to the heart of an issue and has zero problems pivoting when necessary? I want to hug each of them.

Therapy has been worth its weight in gold these days. I’ve been working through tools that help me recall my values, recognize how I process and internalize feedback or changes in the office, then appropriately respond to whatever the issue at hand may be.

While it’s inaccurate to point to the menopause transition for every change that’s happening in my life, the gift that I’m beginning to realize that menopause brings, is more self reflection and a chance to make meaningful adjustments.